Does it feel like your wedding guest list has taken on a life of its own? Do you now have more people on the “must invite” list than you can even fit in your wedding venue?
Learn how to tame a wedding guest list that has spiraled out of control!
One of the biggest problems with many wedding guest lists is that the parents of the bride and groom want to invite far too many people. There are the close relatives, which is fine, but then there are the distant relations you have never met or the crazy ones you hoped to never see again. Oh, and then your parents start adding all of their friends to the list – even if you have no relationship with them – and let’s not forget all of the return obligation invitations. You know, the ones where your mom says, “Well the Humperdinks invited us to their daughter’s wedding, so we have to invite them to yours.” Then your dad starts adding his golf partners to the guest list, along with their spouses, and before you know it, your wedding guest list has taken on royal wedding proportions!
The bride and groom can also get caught up in over-inviting people with whom they have no genuine relationship. Do you have to ask all of your old college roommates that you have not talked to in five years? What about the woman who had you as a bridesmaid eight years ago, but you have lost touch with since? Your co-workers with whom you do not ordinarily socialize outside of work? The answer is no! None of these people need to be invited to your wedding.
So how do you know which people you must invite? The easiest way is to think of your list as a series of concentric circles. As each circle is filled, you can move out to the next one, if and only if, you still have spots available on your list. The very first step, which is often overlooked, is to decide how many people you can actually invite. Once you have a number determined, divide it into thirds. One portion goes to the bride’s parents, one goes to the groom’s parents, and the final third to the bride and groom. Then you can start filling your circles.
The smallest center circle is your immediate family. These are the people who absolutely must be invited, no matter what. It is important that you and your fiance agree on the definition of “immediate family” and go by the same cut off. For a very small wedding, it might mean only parents, spouses, and grandparents, while in other cases aunts, uncles, and first cousins might make it into the inner circle as well. Your immediate family are the people who should be first on the guest list, whether you are having a grand cathedral wedding and wearing a diamond tiara bridal jewelry, or an intimate celebration in a restaurant.
The next circle will contain your nearest and dearest friends. Remember that your bridesmaids and groomsmen need to be counted in this group, since they will be part of the final head count for the caterer. The people in this group are the ones that you hang out with all the time or your oldest friends that you still love to death. Your best friend who has spent every Saturday helping you shop for your dream wedding gown and bridal jewelry goes into this circle, but the girls from work that you rarely hang out with will not. Do not include any of the obligatory return invitations in this circle.
With your closest friends and family now on the guest list, you can move into the outer circles if you have any more spaces left. This would be the co-workers with whom you are not particularly close, your parents’ extended circle of friends, and the people that you feel you “must” invite, even though they do not play a role in your everyday life. And for those who do not make the cut, always remember this mantra: “We wish we could have had more people, but we are having a small wedding”; small being a relative term that can mean whatever you need it to, of course.
Bridget Mora writes for Silverland Jewelry about wedding planning, wedding etiquette, and style. With royal wedding fever in the air, the most important piece of bridal jewelry for 2011 might just be a dazzling tiara.